I am going to get into heaven even if I have to ride there on a river of blood

Gaiden says:
where ARE you going to find a river of blood?
Lamort: I may have to create one
Gaiden says:
it takes 7 or 8 people just to fill a medium sized battub
Gaiden says:
*bathtub
Gaiden says:
oh i know, that, I'm just wondering about the logistics of the operation
Lamort: Well I figure I have a minimum of about 10 years before I cark it so if I start draining people now I should be able to gather quite a lot of blood
Gaiden says:
im currently celebrating my "Twenty years to go" milestone
Lamort: very good
Gaiden says:
back to the blood, ive just worked out that even to have a body of water capable of buoying up a dinghy and covering distance enough to count as getting into heaven on a river of blood would take about 56,000 people
Gaiden says:
i think maybe you are being a little ambitious
Lamort: thats approx 17 people per day
Lamort: it can be done
Gaiden says:
then you run into the next obvious problem
Gaiden says:
storage. blood tends to clot, even outside the body. You will have to keep this volume of blood sealed airtight and refrigerated for 10 years
Lamort: hmm that is a lot of refridgerators
Gaiden says:
yah
Lamort: well I figure I will need to travel to gather as much blood, may need to keep a large freezer in each town
Gaiden says:
this is turning into the sort of thing you need to assess as feasible or not on an individual basis
Gaiden says:
you need a blood network
Lamort: perhaps I can hire assistants, yes that could work
Gaiden says:
i think the easiest way to deal with this issue would be to join the government and get put in charge of the Red Cross
Gaiden says:
the start siphoning
Gaiden says:
if you put it on intensive focus, you could make volume in under 5 years
Lamort: you make a convincing arguement, the question is would I be able to gain such an influencial position and still have time to aquire such a high amount of blood prior to the 10 year deadline
Gaiden says:
hmmm
Gaiden says:
good pont
Gaiden says:
*point
Gaiden says:
ok, I think the only way we're going to pull this off is to start a war
Lamort: possable, the question is where could we start a war that has a high level of easily accessed bloodshed
Gaiden says:
why not work with what the world has supplied
Gaiden says:
the middle east is about to erupt into a massive war of attrition between the currently western occupied states and the Muslim Bloc. During theis period the whole area will be essentially ungovernable, and will fall into a state of Semi to total anarchy. In that case, the dissapearance of large numbers of people will go largely unnaticed
Lamort: but once again we have the storage problem, how many large easily accessed/concealed freezers are there in the middle east
Gaiden says:
concealment is less immediate of a problem, but easy access could be difficult. I would advise the state of Egypt as the most likely, as it has the combined advantages of a westernized science capability, but with a Muslim sympathetic government, combined with the most corrupt police force on earth
Gaiden says:
we set up a ferrying system down the coast of palestine from the front line in Syria, which is probably no more than 2 or three days drive. Using refrigerated trucks we could ship volumes exceeding 1000 Litres to the central storage facility in Egypt
Lamort: I feel we have reached a possability
Gaiden says:
agreed
Gaiden says:
the river of blood could one day be a reality
Gaiden says:
Fuck you, God!
Lamort: and he thought he could stop me with the whole 10 commandments thing
Gaiden says:
Hell, conseide yourself lucky
Gaiden says:
Jews have 613 commandments
Lamort: thats optimistic
Gaiden says:
11th Commandment: Though shalt not exploit global conflict to defy my edict with blood and dinghys
Lamort: ah crud
Gaiden says:
fuck im, lets do it anyway
Gaiden says:
at least we'll make an entrance
Lamort: true, very very true

-------------------------
I am a bad bad man.

In California

Me and Flubba were delviering pizzas to loyal servents of this town when we were struck by a musical moment, and in a fit of creativity we slaughtered a very nice song....

The Original

Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright

I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift, the baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah (x4)

Your faith was strong but you needed proof,
you saw her bathing on the roof,
her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair,
she broke your throne,
she cut your hair,
and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah (X4)

Maybe I have been here before,
I know this room; I have walked this floor,
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch,
love is not a victory march, it's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah (X4)

There was a time you let me know
whats really going on below,
but now you never show it to me, do you?
Remember when I moved in you; the holy dark was moving too,
and every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah (X4)

Maybe there's a God above,
and all I ever learned from love
was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And its not a cry you can hear at night,
its not somebody who's seen the light,
its a cold and its a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah (8)

-----------------------------------
The slaughtered Version
In California - Bakilas & Flubba

I heard there was a secret place
That David knew and he told us all
But you don't really care for travel, do you?
It goes like this, take the fourth, then the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift,
the fapping king web-browsing in California

In California (x4)

Your faith was strong but you needed a root,
you saw her bathing from your roof,
her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair,
she waxed your pubes,
she cut your hair,
and from your lips you sighed "I love California"

In California (X4)

Maybe I have been here before,
I made you moan; you come back for more,
I used to whack alone before I knew you
I did your mum back in March,
because love is not a victory march,
it's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah (X4)

There was a time you let me know
when you were going on the flow,
but now you never show it to me, do you?
Remember when I moved in you; the other guy was moving too,
and every breath we drew was California

In California (X4)

Maybe there's a God above,
and all I ever learned from love
was how beat up and not bruise you,
I like to watch oyu cry at night,
because I wont let you fly your kite,
You are only 13 in California

In California (8)

--------------------------

So thats our touching song of a man who finds love, S&M, a period fetish, spouse abuse and paranoia in California. Thank you.