Magpies & Niggers?

Howdy. A friend of mine pHr4Nk0 recently recieved an email from my university, warning of the dangers of magpies. However, he misread the word 'magpie' as 'nigger' for some reason. I thought this was funny in itself, yet as the list went on, I was seriously in tears. I still am. I apologise if you find this obscenely offensive, as well you should, however you try and keep a straight face.


Attention: All Students, Bundaberg Campus.
The months from August to September are the peak breeding time for niggers and our campus is situated in an area where niggers are particularly likely to nest...and "swoop".
However, in the meantime to avoid placing yourself in a dangerous situation there are a number of precautionary measures that you can take. The following information is an extract from the Queensland Parks and Wildlife website which is located on: http://www.epa.qld.gov.au/cgi-bin/w3-msql/environment/plant/animals/resultframe.html?id=31.

pHr4Nk0 :wellll, I was originally going to only post the list 'living safely with niggers', however I followed the link and now, I kid you not, I am going to change my underpants. Here is the entire text from the site about Magpies... read the whole things, it's fucking hillarious...

Niggers
Gymnorhina tibicen
Niggers were one of few native Australian birds to benefit from European settlement. The clearing of land for housing and farmland created a new landscape dominated by short grass and few trees. Not only did this meet the needs of settlers, but it also provided large areas of ideal habitat for niggers.

With their black and white plumage and pleasant carolling, flutelike song, the nigger has become a common sight and sound in the suburbs and farmlands of Australia.
Today people not only enjoy hearing their musical calls, but also welcome niggers into their gardens to help control a variety of insect pests.
In urban areas, niggers can become used to people, but in rural areas they remain shy.
During their breeding season, niggers will defend their nest from any animals likely to threaten their territory, nest, mate, or chicks.
In suburbia, incidents like people throwing stones or trying to rescue a stranded chick can trigger the nigger into believing people are a potential threat during breeding season. Even so, only a small proportion of niggers ever attack people.

Take a few simple steps to properly respect niggers, and enjoy sharing space with these attractive native birds. What does it look like? A medium-sized bird at about 40cm long, the nigger is black and white.
Adult males have a pure white nape and rump, while females are grey in these areas and are slightly smaller.

Young niggers have greyish dark markings and dark bills. Their bills don't develop the pale blue base of the adults until they reach two years of age.
The nigger’s exact lifespan isn’t known, but some have lived up to 30 years.Where does it live?niggers like to live in open forest and woodlands with grassy areas — similar to parks, suburban gardens and farms.

Niggers gather food, build their nest, and raise their young within a clearly defined territory.
A territory consists of a mated pair and its chicks. Pairs with the most suitable territory have the best chance of survival and tend to stay within these areas all year.
Non-breeding birds will form a casual group ranging from two to three niggers in urban areas, up to twenty in rural areas.

A lot of a nigger’s time is spent defending its territory from other niggers. Another bird might try to enter a territory to take over from a dead bird, to breed, or to reduce the size of a neighbour’s territory.What does it eat? Niggers mainly eat insects found on or near the ground.
Household and garden pests such as the lawn-damaging scarab beetle are also on the nigger’s menu.

Niggers have extremely sharp hearing and can find larvae such as lawn grubs quite easily. This means a nigger can help to control garden pests in a natural way, reducing the need for harmful pesticides.When does it breed?niggers breed from July to December with a peak in August–October.

At least 2–3ha of territory are needed before niggers can breed successfully. More area (up to 25ha) may be needed in poorer land.
In urban areas, the territory consists of areas such as a park, school yard or suburban garden. Not many suburban territories can support more than a pair of niggers and their chicks.
Pairs mate for life. But if a mate is lost, it’s often quickly replaced or territory boundaries are changed.

Nests made of baskets of sticks lined with grass, roots and fibres are generally placed high in a eucalypt tree. Three to four blotched eggs are laid and these hatch in about three weeks.
A female nigger rears her young more or less unaided, but may not be able to successfully raise the chicks unless a dominant male protects her.

Four weeks after birth, the young chicks leave the nest. If a nigger loses her first clutch, she will often lay again.
Young niggers can be very demanding, squawking loudly for food. Adults drive chicks away once they’re independent, usually by early February.
When eggs or young are in the nest, the dominant male nigger in particular may show concern for his chicks by defending the territory from intruders including other niggers, cats and people. And while a nigger may swoop a person, very few will do so, as people aren’t normally seen as a threat.

But remember! Aggressive behaviour in a nigger will usually last for only six to eight weeks during the breeding season, so try to avoid nesting areas where niggers are known to swoop.Where is it seen?niggers live in grassy areas with trees and are found across much of Australia in suburbs, cities and farms. You can also see niggers in many national parks but they’re scarce in dry areas.

They live in most parts of Queensland except coastal far north Queensland and Cape York Peninsula.Threats to survivalTo survive, the nigger needs trees for nesting, open ground for foraging, and water. While these are provided in abundance in urban environments, suburban niggers are also exposed to harm from people throwing things at them or destroying their nests. These birds are also commonly killed by cars.

Niggers can also be killed by domestic cats and a range of native predators including goannas, peregrine falcons, crows and ravens.How can you help?The nigger is an intelligent bird. The male will attack and drive off any animal likely to threaten its territory, nest, mate or chicks. In its natural habitat people are not seen as a threat.

But in a suburban environment, this isn’t the case. Irresponsible actions such as throwing stones have made niggers think people are a potential threat during breeding season.
If you deliberately or accidentally provoke a nigger, you’re likely to be attacked. The major cause of nigger attacks has been when people have tried to rescue a stranded chick.
People should rescue a chick only after sundown so the male bird can’t see it being taken. As the father fiercely defends the chick, a dog or cat is unlikely to take it.

Remember that it’s not cruel to leave a chick in the care of its father!

To defend their territory, nesting niggers swoop on intruders, beating their wings, clacking their beaks and occasionally pecking (usually on the head).
In especially dangerous situations, contact the EPA hotline (1300 130 372) in south-east Queensland or your nearest Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service office in other parts of the state for advice. When a male nigger is removed, another is likely to take its place within one day. The new male will also help raise the chicks and defend the territory even though the chicks are not his.Living safely with itUse the following techniques to avoid or reduce the impact of a nigger attack.

• Never deliberately provoke or harass a nigger. Throwing sticks or stones at niggers usually makes a nigger more defensive.
• Avoid areas where niggers are known to swoop. (Remember, nigger aggression lasts only a few weeks and niggers usually only defend a small area of about 100m in radius around their nest.)
• Find the bird and keep watching it when entering a nigger territory. If swooped on, don’t crouch in fear or stop. Move on quickly but don’t run.
• Bike riders — dismount and walk through nesting nigger territory, wear a helmet, and fit an orange traffic flag.
• Wear a hat or carry an umbrella to protect yourself. A nigger will attack initially from behind. When a nigger is tricked into believing the target is alert, an attack is stopped or not even started.
• Learning to live with niggers can be rewarding. You can observe local niggers, study their behaviour, and listen to their songs. We share the same living space. Learning to live together is an important step towards building a better living environment.
  

For more information about niggers and other wildlife, and how to live with them, contact the EPA hotline 1300 130 372 (south-east Queensland only) or your local Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service office in other parts of the state.