The Church Of Lamort

The Church of our true lord Lamort is now open. The old gods are dead and who better to lead us?

First we must update old rituals, the original 10 commandments were fine back in the day.
Recently Lamort presented his loyal followers with the new commantments, engraved in stone.

1. You shall have no other gods before me. Or after me. Or at the same time.
2. Worshipping idols of Lamort is not ownly accepted but also encouraged. The more flattering the better.
3. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God. (This one will stay through the ages).
4. Remember the weekend, and keep it holy. Unlike your old god I forbid doing work of any sort on either Saturday or Sunday. While the old god made his blood into wine, Lamort's blood is pure rum and you shall remember him by consuming rum all weekend and retiring to your bedroom with a partner.
5. Don't worry about honouring you mother and father once you hit 16, by then they have served their purpose
6. Thou shalt not murder. Emos are not people so its not murder. The slaughter of emos is encouraged and rewarded in the afterlife.
7. Adultery is not all that bad.
8. Thou shall not steal, except from those who are weaker then yourself. Those who do not take steps to prevent it only bring it upon themselves.
9. You can covet thou neighbours wife, sister, daughter, hell covet their goat if you want.
10. Pornography should be embraced, not hidden and denied.

No longer will churches be somber, they will be a celebration of Lamort. We shall burn the old hymns and replace them with uplifting songs of praise, such as Fatboy Slim - Praise you. Also once a month a... spiritual musical group will be invited to lead us in prayer, such as Voltaire, Jack of Jill or Deathstars. The morbid Jesus on a cross will be removed and replace with a Lamort, in much the same pose as Kevin Smith's Buddy Christ.

And already I have seen some of those destined to become Lamort's 12 apostles, soon they shall be recruited:
Kevin Smith (Director and filmmaker)
Sean Brennan (London after Midnight)
Sylvia Saint (Adult film star)
George Ouzounian (AKA Maddox, http://bestpageintheuniverse.com)
David Duchovny (Because he is Fox Mukder)
Aldo Montano (Winner of the gold medal for Fencing with a Saber at 2004 olympics)
Steve Buscemi (Actor)

Soon the world shall bathe in the glory of Lamort.